Diglot Weave Mandarin Short Story: Luck by Mark Twain

It was at a 宴会 – yànhuì in London in 荣誉 – róngyù of one of the two or three conspicuously illustrious English 军队 – jūnduì names of this generation. For reasons which will presently appear, I will withhold his real 名字 – míngzì and titles, and call him Lieutenant General Lord Arthur Scoresby, V.C., K.C.B., etc., etc., etc. What a fascination there is in a renowned 名字 – míngzì! There sat the man, in actual flesh, whom I had heard of so many thousands of times since that day, thirty years before, when his 名字 – míngzì shot suddenly to the zenith from a Crimean 战场 – zhànchǎng, to remain forever celebrated. It was 食物 – shíwù and 饮料 – yǐnliào to me to look, and look, and look at that 半神 – bànshén; scanning, searching, noting: the quietness, the reserve, the noble gravity of his 面容 – miànróng; the simple honesty that expressed itself all over him; the sweet unconsciousness of his greatness—unconsciousness of the hundreds of admiring 眼睛 – yǎnjīng fastened upon him, unconsciousness of the deep, loving, sincere 崇拜 – chóngbài welling out of the 胸膛 – xiōngtáng of those people and flowing toward him.

The 牧师 – mùshī at my left was an old acquaintance of mine—牧师 – mùshī now, but had spent the first half of his 生活 – shēnghuó in the camp and field, and as an 教师 – jiàoshī in the military school at Woolwich. Just at the moment I have been talking about, a veiled and singular light glimmered in his 眼睛 – yǎnjīng, and he leaned down and muttered confidentially to me—indicating the hero of the 宴会 – yànhuì with a gesture:

“Privately—he’s an absolute 傻瓜 – shǎguā.”

This verdict was a great surprise to me. If its subject had been Napoleon, or Socrates, or Solomon, my astonishment could not have been greater. Two things I was well aware of: that the 牧师 – mùshī was a man of strict veracity, and that his 判断 – pànduàn of men was good. Therefore I knew, beyond doubt or question, that the 世界 – shìjiè was mistaken about this 英雄 – yīngxióng: he was a 傻瓜 – shǎguā. So I meant to find out, at a convenient moment, how the 牧师 – mùshī, all solitary and alone, had discovered the 秘密 – mìmì.

Some days later the 机会 – jīhuì came, and this is what the 牧师 – mùshī told me.

About forty years ago I was an 教师 – jiàoshī in the 军校 – jūnxiào at Woolwich. I was present in one of the sections when young Scoresby underwent his preliminary 考试 – kǎoshì. I was touched to the quick with pity; for the rest of the 班级 – bānjí answered up brightly and handsomely, while he—why, dear me, he didn’t know anything, so to speak. He was evidently good, and sweet, and lovable, and guileless; and so it was exceedingly painful to see him stand there, as serene as a graven image, and deliver himself of 答案 – dá’àn which were veritably miraculous for stupidity and ignorance.

All the 同情 – tóngqíng in me was aroused in his behalf. I said to myself, when he comes to be examined again, he will be flung over, of course; so it will be simply a harmless act of 慈善 – císhàn to ease his fall as much as I can. I took him aside, and found that he knew a little of Cæsar’s 历史 – lìshǐ; and as he didn’t know anything else, I went to work and drilled him like a galley slave on a certain line of stock 问题 – wèntí concerning Cæsar which I knew would be used. If you’ll believe me, he went through with flying colors on 考试 – kǎoshì day! He went through on that purely superficial “cram,” and got 赞美 – zànměi too, while others, who knew a thousand times more than he, got plucked. By some strangely lucky accident—an accident not likely to happen twice in a century—he was asked no 问题 – wèntí outside of the narrow limits of his drill.

It was stupefying. Well, all through his 课程 – kèchéng I stood by him, with something of the sentiment which a 母亲 – mǔqīn feels for a crippled 孩子 – háizi; and he always saved himself—just by 奇迹 – qíjì, apparently.

Now of course the thing that would expose him and kill him at last was mathematics. I resolved to make his 死亡 – sǐwáng as easy as I could; so I drilled him and crammed him, and crammed him and drilled him, just on the line of 问题 – wèntí which the 考官 – Kǎoguān would be most likely to use, and then launching him on his 命运 – mìngyùn. Well, sir, try to conceive of the result: to my 惊愕 – jīng’è, he took the first 奖 – jiǎng! And with it he got a perfect ovation in the way of 赞美 – zànměi.

Sleep? There was no more sleep for me for a week. My 良心 – liángxīn tortured me day and night. What I had done I had done purely through 慈善 – císhàn, and only to ease the poor youth’s fall—I never had dreamed of any such preposterous result as the thing that had happened.

I felt as guilty and miserable as the creator of Frankenstein. Here was a woodenhead whom I had put in the way of glittering promotions and prodigious responsibilities, and but one thing could happen: he and his responsibilities would all go to ruin together at the first 机会 – jīhuì.

The Crimean 战争 – zhànzhēng had just broken out. Of course there had to be a 战争 – zhànzhēng, I said to myself: we couldn’t have peace and give this donkey a chance to die before he is found out. I waited for the 地震 – dìzhèn. It came. And it made me reel when it did come. He was actually gazetted to a captaincy in a marching 军团 – jūntuán! Better men grow old and gray in the service before they climb to a sublimity like that. And who could ever have foreseen that they would go and put such a load of 责任 – zérèn on such green and inadequate shoulders?

I could just barely have stood it if they had made him a cornet; but a captain—think of it! I thought my 头发 – tóufà would turn white.

Consider what I did—I who so loved repose and inaction. I said to myself, I am responsible to the 国家 – guójiā for this, and I must go along with him and protect the 国家 – guójiā against him as far as I can. So I took my poor little 资本 – zīběn that I had saved up through years of work and grinding economy, and went with a sigh and bought a cornetcy in his 军团 – jūntuán, and away we went to the field.

And there—oh dear, it was awful. 错误 – cuòwù? Why, he never did anything but 错误 – cuòwù. But, you see, nobody was in the fellow’s 秘密 – mìmì—everybody had him focused wrong, and necessarily misinterpreted his performance every time—consequently they took his idiotic 错误 – cuòwù for inspirations of 天才 – tiāncái; they did, honestly! His mildest 错误 – cuòwù were enough to make a man in his right mind cry; and they did make me cry—and rage and rave too, privately.

And the thing that kept me always in a sweat of apprehension was the fact that every fresh 错误 – cuòwù he made increased the luster of his 声誉 – shēngyù! I kept saying to myself, he’ll get so high, that when discovery does finally come, it will be like the sun falling out of the sky.

He went right along up, from grade to grade, over the dead bodies of his superiors, until at last, in the hottest moment of the 战斗 – zhàndòu, down went our colonel, and my heart jumped into my mouth, for Scoresby was next in 队列 – duìliè! Now for it, said I; we’ll all land in Sheol in ten minutes, sure.

The 战斗 – zhàndòu was awfully hot; the allies were steadily giving way all over the field. Our 军团 – jūntuán occupied a position that was vital; a 错误 – cuòwù now must be destruction. At this crucial moment, what does this immortal 傻瓜 – shǎguā do but detach the 军团 – jūntuán from its place and order a charge over a neighboring 山丘 – shānqiū where there wasn’t a suggestion of an 敌人 – dírén!

“There you go!” I said to myself; “this is the end at last.”

And away we did go, and were over the shoulder of the 山丘 – shānqiū before the insane movement could be discovered and stopped. And what did we find? An entire and unsuspected Russian 军队 – jūnduì in reserve! And what happened? We were eaten up? That is necessarily what would have happened in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred.

But no, those Russians argued that no single 军团 – jūntuán would come browsing around there at such a time. It must be the entire English 军队 – jūnduì, and that the sly Russian game was detected and blocked; so they turned tail, and away they went, pell-mell, over the 山丘 – shānqiū and down into the field, in wild confusion, and we after them; they themselves broke the solid Russian center in the field, and tore through, and in no time there was the most tremendous rout you ever saw, and the defeat of the allies was turned into a sweeping and splendid 胜利 – shènglì!

Marshal Canrobert looked on, dizzy with astonishment, 敬佩, and delight; and sent right off for Scoresby, and hugged him, and 装饰 – zhuāngshì him on the field, in presence of all the armies!

And what was Scoresby’s 错误 – cuòwù that time? Merely the mistaking his right hand for his left—that was all. An order had come to him to fall back and support our right; and instead, he fell forward and went over the 山丘 – shānqiū to the left. But the 名字 – míngzì he won that day as a marvelous military 天才 – tiāncái filled the 世界 – shìjiè with his 荣耀 – róngyù, and that 荣耀 – róngyù will never fade while 历史书 – lìshǐ-shū last.

He is just as good and sweet and lovable and unpretending as a 人 – rén can be, but he doesn’t know enough to come in when it rains. Now that is absolutely true. He is the supremest 傻瓜 – shǎguā in the 宇宙 – yǔzhòu; and until half an hour ago nobody knew it but himself and me. He has been pursued, day by day and year by year, by a most phenomenal and astonishing 好运 – hǎoyùn. He has been a shining 士兵 – shìbīng in all our 战争 – zhànzhēng for a generation; he has littered his whole military 生活 – shēnghuó with 错误 – cuòwù, and yet has never committed one that didn’t make him a 骑士 – qíshì or a 男爵 – nánjué or a 爵士 – juéshì or something.

Look at his 胸膛 – xiōngtáng; why, he is just clothed in domestic and foreign 装饰 – zhuāngshì. Well, sir, every one of them is the record of some shouting stupidity or other; and taken together, they are proof that the very best thing in all this 世界 – shìjiè that can befall a 人 – rén is to be born 幸运 – xìngyùn. I say again, as I said at the 宴会 – yànhuì, Scoresby’s an absolute 傻瓜 – shǎguā.